ED recovery (Part 2)

Let’s start by saying, there are a TON of errors in this blog. I am not here to be ‘society perfect’. this is my raw thoughts and i dont have time to bend to the grammatically correct world. so if it makes you uncomfortable to read things that are misspelled, grammatical errors, puncuational errors and whatever else, this is not for you. I am writing this as it is happening and there are time restrictions on where i need to be so i dont have time to make sure everything is ‘perfect’ for you.. It is meant to help you not be perfect.. eventually i may fix them but not at this time..

Today was a day, after preparing the night before and realizing that the next day may not go accordingly. I got up late, which for a person like me with ADHD it can be a difficult to get your bearings when someone is teliing you where you should be and how much time you have to get there. I hadnt brushed my teeth, I was my late for health checkin, then i had to rush to throw my clothes on and get to breakfast, which in turn caused my anxiety to shoot through the roof. I do understand why it happened to me. I was up late the night before, I kept waking up throughout the night and then woke up 15 mins before i the health check cut off. Many things to add to the anxiety. I prayed and asked my guides and spirits to help me. they sent my roommate with a fidget toy for me. How awesome right! I was super cold at breakfast, i did have to self soothe since I was so anxious. I have requested that i am able to see the door and if i can have music at eating times as its the only way i feel right now that i can cope with the change and all the people. I have been approved for the ear plugs and to see the door i have to wait to see psych in order to use music which is fine because i can have it outside of there for now and the plugs do help. Music for me is a motivatior to eat as at home sometimes we listen to music in the background. We did a group session and for neurodivergent/autistic spectrum people this can be a bit overwhelming and intimidating. Something I want to point out is, if you have issues that you feel most people dont have, is to not think of what ‘other people’ do or are looking at you for. Remember you are not there for anyone else but yourself. You are not there to make friends so pick your battles and take this opportunity to explore ‘unusal’ coping skills. For example, if you were made to feel like carrying a stuffed animal was childish or ridiculious this is one of those times you can practice radical self acceptance because no one else may not understand but you do so love yourself and say F*** yall this is where i am who i am and you can suck an egg. carry that stuffed animal, wear your sunglasses, have your fidget and stay in your ‘you bubble’. LOL this is me, i carry my stuffed animal, i wear my sunglasses, I have my fidget and i stay in my ‘you bubble’. I am seeing that me being myself is helping others to do the same. We are our own worst enemy. For me, I set goals every night for the next day whether its in my head or written down. I set a goal that every night i spend 10-15 mins on any paperwork that was given to me for the day in my groups. When you focus on you, challenging yourself is the greatest form of growth. If you are looking to stay in the present and dabble in the past it will cause those thoughts to continue. Take time to focus on the core pain and focus on those thoughts and where they come from. i often see so many people sit in their thoughts and not realize that its the pain of the past that is keeping you there. working on the present is good to begin to speak up for yourself but what good is it if you are still stuck on the trauma of the past? take time and talk to your therapist about it and see if you can get to the core. After therapy today, i had yoga…..its always good to find the funny things that happen and dont be afraid to laugh at yourself even if its embarrassing! We did a body scan and had to relax and she mentioned that we may fall asleep. Well needless to say, i did fall asleep and as i started to doze off, i started what felt like a vision (after studying my visions vs dreams i understand which one is which for me) i say felt because with having an ED, at times it can get a bit skewed. in the vision, i saw myself at a gathering at my new home in the backyard which was facing a ton of trees. i saw people like my immediate family and a few friends and we had a dog like a lab or something and i remember it was waiting for me to throw the ball or something but i remember saying like go now go get it..and then i snorted so hard i woke myself up!! LOL!! so i giggled to myself because there was someone next to me and i am pretty positive since it was quiet, everyone heard it. It was pretty funny. in those moments i saw the growth within myself because usually i would be freaking out, embarrassed, extremely anxious and shut down for the day. So giving yourself praise even as small as patting yourself on the back is definately something that is needed. You have to be your own friend in that moment. As the day went on it got better since i was able to see all the positives. i reached my personal goals, i reached my therapy goals, i reached my nutritional goals, i reached all my goals! Even when i didnt reach a goal i asked myself how i felt, what i can do differently and so on.. As I transitioned into the evening, I recommend heat packs or cold packs on the brain stem area for sleep. I was not sleeping very well. I had to create a bedtime routine to help with it. I started listening to music to wind down and sometimes that helps. I also use some of that time to talk with my support system since i can only get to see them for an hour a day. Now that i am able to get myself to that point i am hoping that tonight is different, but, we will see tomorrow! stay tuned! Thank you for reading!!