ED Recovery (part 7)
“If the roads of your mind are traffic jammed, cross the street and pave a new road”-’N’Spiyer
Number of the day: 7 (I promise this was a syncronicity not on purpose.)
Going through recovery, can be challenging but when you have days like today it shows you that you are on the right path. Today we had an outing to Barnes and noble. My day started with me a bit disoriented. It was difficult since i didnt get my vitals because i woke up late from this dream i was having. The dream pretty much consumed my day as i was constanly thinking about it.. gave me insight on my brain and its operation. I have been learning more about the way the brain does in this reality. Studying your brain will help you see other peoples habits thoughts and find ways to connect with those you never thought you would. it helps you to see your judgements and biases in real time.. I found myself judging and catching myself to see the love in the situation, moving to compassion and then to radical acceptance about myself. Understanding that part of myself, showed me how to be able to open myself to all forms of love and not judge. i was able to go through meal time without having a breakdown due to the information i was able to harness about myself. i still have my ticks and unusal movements. today was a step in the right direction. I took my stuffed animal sir reginald quackers to barnes n noble which gave me anxiety because i was thinking about how people would see me or think about me.. i was unsure of being accepted. Now, it was explained to me that the place in which we are going, was fancy foo foo lol! So i was a bit reluctant. I didnt know how the people i went with were going to react either.. so there was a lot of judgements toward myself as in seeing myself as a neurotypical.. I just wanted to do what everyone else was doing just be ‘normal’. I was super normal, had my friend with me, had my journal and i was good.. I found some cards, books for the kids and a book for me.. I even worked up the courage to talk to them about my board in which they were interested in. I am very happy to move forward with them. I am going to call tomorrow to see if there would be a good time to bring it by. I would love to have them in barnes and noble! I am so ready for all this! I was on cloud nine when i left there. I had an encounter afterwards that almost had me thinking and i was able to have compassioin and see it in love so how about those apples. you always have the power within you if you reach for it and continue searching for it. I get back and had a line of people who wanted thier cards read and i would say it went well. I enjoyed myself. Its been so long since i did readings like this and i just got this rush of wow how much self care this is for me. My day ended great and i am so proud of myself for standing firm in myself and allowing myself to be seen even if its not the ‘norm’. I say that to say, you may not fit in with society but that is exactly what makes you the most beautiful. thanks for reading!
