Understanding yourself
Life is full of ups and downs. Understanding ourselves on a deeper level is important because without a deeper understanding of who we are we can not become who we envision ourselves to be. Understanding yourself is not just a day to day kind of thing, it is a understand the choices you made before you got to where you are today. How those choices affected the outcome of your life and how the choices today affect your tomorrow.
In this blog we will explore some ways we can get to understand ourselves on a much deeper level by facing all parts of yourself. That means allowing your ‘hidden parts’ to be seen in real time. Your hidden parts are the parts of you that you mask away from the world or it can even be the things you hide from yourself because of the way it makes you feel. You dont want to be that person who you say you dont care for so instead you hide them but still exhibit the actions in which you dont care for. Seeing yourself ‘wholely’, is the best way to finally be able to find that sense of freedom you so desperately long for. Some of the hidden parts can be some traits that you dont even know exsist until you dig a little deeper.
One of the ways you can begin to understand yourself is noting your habits. What are they telling you? For example, Shonda and Shawn goes for a walk, during that walk shonda is thinking about a million other things. As Shawn is talking to her about his day, she is unaware that her mind has started to wander. When Shawn asks shonda a question he realizes that she wasnt listening to him. He then gets frustrated at the lack of attention he is getting. Shawn feels unheard, unseen and frustrated. He then lashes out at shonda. In that moment, Shonda doesnt understand what is happening because in her mind what she is thinking about is important for them to be sucessful as a couple, however, in that moment Shawn feels alone. One of the hardest things about understanding yourself is seeing the part of you that hurts people. Shonda did not know/understand why Shawn lashed out. She was listening enough to her. Honestly, what is enough? Let’s look at the habit..
Habit: Shonda gets in her thoughts and is not present in the moments that matter to others.
Thoughts: Shonda feels/thinks she is doing something ‘for them’ when she is deep in thought because she is ‘thinking’ about them.
Reation: Aggitated and down on herself
Feelings: Confused and frustrated
When we break down our habits it gives us a chance to undertand how the situation occoured and our role in the situation which helps us to radically accept ourselves, others and even the situation. When you are examining yourself keep in mind compassion is important. It can be very easy to fall into a depressive cycle when you are mentally unprepared. Having coping skills will support you as you start to shed light on the dark corners of your mind. (coping skills can be found under the coping skills blog) When rediscovering yourself, becoming an advocate for yourself is very important. That means learning as much as you can about your likes and dislikes. At this stage of your journey, knowing those things will help support you as you undo these habits. Now, Shonda wants to undo the habit of racing thoughts and being in the future. Shondas first step is to understand what her thoughts are. When examining your thoughts, you may not even realize them. What I reccomend, if you have a thearpist, talk with them about how you are feeling. As you do so, some of the thoughts you are having will most definately come up. As they come up some of them will be difficult to deal with, but, keep in mind that even those thoughts deserve an examination as well. Write down all the thoughts running through your mind. If you find that you are not a writer, using voice memo helps or voice to text. Take a moment after writing out your thoughts and just read them. Figure out which ones are recent, which are futuristic (thoughts about or in the future) thoughts. Sit with them for about 5-10 mins just studing them. Being curious in this stage will benefit you long term. Once you have come to a settled place, pick one thought you wrote down. This thought is one that you will work on until you can honestly say to yourself oooohhh now i understand where that thought came from and why it took up so much space. The goal with theses excersises is to free up space in your mind, understand how you operate and why. Take that thought and write down what you feel as you are reading it. What feelings come up? What are the sensations in your body? Did any other ‘supporting thoughts’ come up that was related to the feelings and sensations as you are sitting with it? Next, write down the reactions you had to those thoughts. Did you cry, scream or become disconnected? Sit with those feelings. If any ‘supporting thoughts’ come up around your reactions specify those as well. Then write out any past experiences that come up that gave you similar experiences. As you start this process you will begin to notice that, this is not the first time you have had this feeling or even those thoughts. As you start to connect the dots, your inner world whether you can feel it or not in that moment, is beginning to shift. During this shift you may experitnce physical discomfort such as headaches, body aches and even mood swings so, be patient with yourself and communicate with those closest to you so they are also aware of what you are experiencing and may be able to better support you. This skill can be used in any situation. It may be a bit difficult to figure out all the thoughts, but, be patient as they may not all come at once.
